Who had the biggest dick?
Before I begin, I want to let you know that this is a piece we want to post every few weeks or so. This will be an article about who had the “biggest dick” of late. In other words, this passage will make a case for why a person has just been absolutely awesome lately.
Now on to this weeks well-hung human: Josh Hamilton.
In the past week, he has had: 13 hits in 28 AB for an average of .464, 16 RBI’s and 9 HRs, 4 of which came in on game. His OPS (on-base plus slugging) is now up to 1.321 which translates to 1.321 bases PER AT BAT. No average sized phallus is going to pull off a stat line like that. Simply incredible.
Oh yea, and those 9 HR’s he hit? Those were all cock-smacked by the same hard piece of wood, which is going to be inside Cooperstown soon.
This couldn’t have happened to a better dude too; he is a recovering alcoholic that hates his past and his tattoos. He has 3 children and a loving wife who have been there for him and helped him get clean. He is so open about his past and fully embraces his life now. He also hits the shit out of the baseball better than anyone else in recent memory.
I am officially changing Josh Hamilton’s name to “Josh HAMilton” because he is going HAM on this season. Let’s just hope he can keep this dominance up for his sake, baseballs sake, and this article’s sake. Dont be surprised if you see him mentioned in this later in the year.
Needless to say, Josh HAMilton had the biggest dick this week.
Runners up: Manchester City, Barack “Barry” Obama, myself.
EDIT: In response to those thinking Man City should have had the bigger dick: I wrote this piece before the Man City game occurred and just didn’t feel like rewriting it. I am going to keep it now but know that Man City has one collectively huge large penis as well.